10 Post Election Survival Tips

BEER: The two guys in the picture were the candidates for Senator from Illinois. Last night they met over beers in Chicago’s most celebrated dive bar The Billy Goat Tavern—conveniently located below Michigan Avenue and within blocks of every media outlet in the city. The guy in the Black Hawks cap lost. If he had worn the hat earlier, I would have been a lot more excited about voting for him. But that’s not important now. What’s important is that these two met for beer.

RUSS FEINGOLD: Google “class act concession speech.” You’ll see.

JOBS: Maybe now we’ll all see that they are not all holed up in an underground missile silo in South Dakota waiting for Peter Pan to sprinkle magic fairy dust and set free the jobs to run throughout the land. Or that if we just give Captain Hook more money/tax breaks—he’ll make jobs for all the little boys and girls. Maybe now there will be a realistic plan that recognizes TWO problems: 1) Creating Jobs. and 2) Connecting people to jobs.

HISTORY: Rumor has it, did not begin in 2008.

THE PRESIDENT: Who perhaps would not be the president if he had not lost the New Hampshire primary. And did you notice how he handled this like a grown-up? If not—watch his remarks unfiltered and without analysis. Ward Cleaver could not have done a better job of taking responsibility, showing humility and a vision to press onward.

COMMON PRINCIPLES: Here’s a start. “In essentials, unity. In non-essentials harmony, in all things love.” It’s not left, right or centrist. It’s a common principle.

SLOWING DOWN INTERNET RUMORS: Enjoy this while it lasts. (It might be over by the time you read this) But you probably won’t hear a lot of people bleating out “I’m not saying I BELIEVE John Boehner is an Austrian born, cyrpto-fascist, bought and paid for tool of the insurance lobby, I’m just saying I’m not sure.”

SAVING THE VILLAGE BY BURNING IT DOWN: Maybe there will be more clarity as to why this doesn’t work. Because what if it turned out we all live in the village?

EARMARKERON: If, in this tiny little moment, the guns have gone quiet and the attacks have stopped, we’ll need a villain. A bad guy. Doesn’t have to be real. Just has to be something to attack. That’s where Earmarkeron comes in. He hid in my closet when I was 6. I think he feasted on wire coat hangers. He might have drank blood. He has bloodshot eyes and a purple puffy face. Feel free to hate, attack (directly or indirectly) see him behind every piece of legislation or moving next door to you and reeking havoc with your property taxes. He is there for all of us to hate and fear. So we have that covered. No need for any other fear mongering.

FRANK SINATRA: Just try not smiling when he sings.

4 Responses to “10 Post Election Survival Tips”

  1. Paul Haider Says:

    It was Benjamin Franklin who said, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” Was either God or Ben Franklin aware of the fact that beer is a depressant? Yes, the Beer Summit II was interesting to see, and I’m certainly not heartbroken that Alexi lost. The silver lining is that our mayor is a Democrat, our governor is a Democrat, and our President is a Democrat; Mark Kirk is fairly moderate and is not a conservative lunatic. I haven’t cared much for anyone in the House of Representatives since Congressman Leo Ryan was murdered in 1978; they don’t make them like Leo any longer, and they wouldn’t know how.
    Paul Haider, Chicago

  2. Ted Schneider Says:


    There was a lot of material to comment on so I’ll just hit two parts, 1) I like the idea of Kirk and Alexi getting together like the good friends they did not seem during the campaign and 2) Obama in his post 2010 election news conference talking about “the people have spoken and we need to focus on jobs and the economy” or something to that effect. All I could think was REALLY?

  3. Ted Schneider Says:


    To clarify my earlier comments, I thought when Alexi and Kirk got together it exhibited more class than shown during the campaign. It was refreshing to see their human sides – sharing a burger, a beer and even Alexi weared a cap (how un-politician like). I would like to see something like this in the future with candidates – a debate or town hall at Wendy’s (or you pick the restaurant) and make it a tad less formal. Regarding Obama’s remarks after the election I got the impression that he now knows the economy and jobs are important to focus on (I will admit what I saw might be out of context with the entire news conference) but it hit me as if it took the election to figure out that the economy and jobs need tending to (although I know focus has been put in these areas).

  4. Paul Haider Says:

    I forgot to mention that Alexi and I graduated from the same Catholic boys grade school: Hardey Prep. I stopped being Catholic as soon as I reached the age of logic, reason, and rational thought; this occurred nearly 20 years ago. Alexi has still not proven himself to be competent as our state treasurer, and he hasn’t finished the job of trying to get us out of our 13 billion dollar state deficit. In hindsight, Alexi was a very weak candidate for senator, and he has only himself to blame for losing Obama’s old seat to a Repugnantcan; Obama didn’t want Alexi to run for the Senate even in spite of their friendship on the basketball court. I still think that my idea of ending the tax-exempt status of organized religions, especially the Catholic Church, is a great way to generate revenues in Illinois. It’s a much better idea than casinos!
    Paul Haider, Chicago

    P.S. I’d like to have a beer summit with George W. Bush and repeatedly crack a bottle of Old Style over his skull!

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